Time for a mini update

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

I know it’s been a long time since I reported to you on the progress of our youngest active player – Mini “the perforator” Badger. Well “progress” might not be the correct term; progress implies advancement, development, forward movement - even growth. While one might argue that a player need to move forward in order to sneak up on an opponent, it would be a stretch to call this ‘progress’ since it describes, literally, following. I believe my son should be honing his leadership skills, not skulking around stripping old men of their dog tags and dignity. After all following people in order just to stab them in the back is not exactly a needed leadership skill, at least not in the real world (unless you define the “real world” as politics, or business, or the entertainment industry, maybe the fashion world, or media, or banking, manufacturing sports, finance – definitely finance, or family and (of course) any organization that has two or more members) but everywhere else in life, sneaking around stabbing people in the back is a bad thing. Bad, bad Mini (someday you shall rule the world!).

My lack of postings is partially due to my lack of time and partially due to virtual blood loss. There is something disconcerting about the ease that we have all accepted our fate. The first to fall was Tissue. Of course that’s easy to explain, the glint of the blade distracts him. How many times have we heard over TS “Mini just got me” and known, without further comment, that somewhere on the virtual field of honor, a soldier has suffered a fatal stab wound and the respawn clock is ticking. “Medic!” Nobody even bothers to yell “Look out – he’s got a knife!” anymore. It’s just accepted. It is my fault, when he was young I let him watch that Simpson’s episode where Fat Tony says “I don't get mad, I get stabby”. Apparently, in his infancy, Mini failed to see the humor in the statement and instead took it as a life lesson. (Hmmph, babies - I thought they were smarter). For the rest of us it’s become a death lesson, one which is being repeated night after night.

They say to live one must face death. So, if we face death frequently does it mean we are more alive? (Gamers think so, that’s why they never feel the need to date or reproduce) If it is the latter, then I must be bursting with life. In fact, so much so, that Mini seems to feel the need puncture me from time to time, to help relieve the built up pressure. I guess I should thank him.

It’s funny how he really likes the term “perforator”. Mini “the perforator” Badger. I tried to convince him that “Mini the knife Badger” would be cool. I even made up new lyrics for “Mac the knife” and sang it to him.

… On the sidewalk, one Sunday morin’
Lies a Jiffer just oozin' life …
And someone’s sneakin' ‘round the corner
Could that someone be Mini the Knife...

That song cost me three perforations in the first game last night! So much for art.

(The term “perforated” reminded me of that old Tetley Tea commercial where they guaranteed 2000 perforations in every tea bag – (to let the flavor flow out). In fact I think it was voiced by Gav.

)

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that I haven't been playing lately just so Mini can't stab me anymore. I will be back in June for sure. This is just a busy time for me what with all the surgeries and therapy sessions. I think I am the first official case of PTMS (Post Traumatic Mini Syndrome). I spend a lot of time in my room with my back pressed firmly in the corner. You'd think the kid would need a step ladder to knife me. Somehow he manages to carry one in his back pack and deploy it silently I'm sure. I really miss my dog tags because they are, well shiny.

Once my mind and body have healed, I'll be back ready to take on anyone half my size!

Tissue
PS Seriously my absence is due to family visits and travel this month. My grandkids are here now and we leave for a week next Wed.

[[JiF]Mentat]

er

[[JiF]KellysHero]

I saw this yesterday and thought of Mini...good lead in. Oh it is a bit gruesome, so may not be suitable for Mini's eyes (well maybe the first 30 seconds are okay).

BTW I did stop playing so I wouldn't be knifed by Mini!

[[JiF]MiniBadger]

Ugh no wonder you've all ran away, I promise I'll put down the knife for a bit, just.. you know.. keep looking around for me just in case, but come on, can't ya trust good ol' me a bit?

PS I was just searching for some of my dads good jokes, I guess I stumbled upon this. Good laughs!

...was I really that evil?

[[JiF]MiniBadger]

PPS

..
just have.. this
[video]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xudyB2N ... e=youtu.be[/video]]

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

As I remember it..... One time Gib and I were on the ground when Mini stabbed Gib. I immediately ran up some nearby steps to get the high ground on a building. I no sooner peaked over the edge when Mini stabbed me in the back. Two knife kills in less than 10 seconds. Yes, I often experienced fear when Mini was on the other team.

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

Hi Tissue,

It has been a long time. I'm not certain why Mini decided to resurrect this thread but it lives again. I wish I could say time has slowed his hand but it has not. We still try to play together every so often just so he can remind me of his gaming superiority. He convinced me to join him playing good old "Team Fortress 2" the other day just so he could kill me using taunts. Taunts? Guy killed me with a taunt, Mal. How weird is that?

He did this about a dozen times before I smartened up and faked having a headache so I could slink away with dignity. Not much dignity, well none actually. Can one have negative dignity?

If I've learn one thing about parenting Mini it is this: I say to all you gamer's out there, still living in your mothers basement, dream not of having a life or a girl friend or sex with a second person in the actually room not just virtually. Yea verily dream not of procreating! For that act, while momentarily joyous will eventually lead you to negative dignity.

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

Alas poor Badger. I knew him well......

I understand completely what you mean. What you have yet to realize is that it extends to the next generation. I had this conversation with my 14 year old grandson today:

Tissue: Matthew, is it more fun to play soccer or play in the band?
Matthew: Play in the band.
Tissue: Is it more fun to get hit in the head or play in the band?
Matthew: Play in the band.
Tissue: Now it gets tougher. Is it more fun to talk to pepere (me) or play in the band?
Matthew (grinning): Talk to pepere
Tissue: It really is play in the band isn't it?
Matthew (laughing): Yeah!

So you can only hope Matthew never leaves your basement.

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

...a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy."

LOL, my house is one hundred and twenty years old. The basement has dirt floors and 5 foot ceilings. Even if he were so inclined I believe He's already outgrown it.

P.S. at least you didn't carry your quote to the "Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft" line. I mean you are cute but I have my limits.