Vacation Winding Down

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

Dear Mr. Badger,

I'm finishing my vacation with an overnight stay at Niagara Falls. Usually we stay on the Canadian side, but seeing as the Canadian dollar is so strong it isn't worth crossing the border for one night. First you have to answer all the Canadian questions: Are you here for WORK? Will you be WORKING in Canada? Why are you going to WORK in Canada? You have to tell them you are there for a meeting. Then you have to come back into the US: Are you bringing in any alcohol, cigarettes, prescription drugs, suitcase bombs or terrorists?

You have nicer falls, Mr. Badger, but you Canadians really messed up your side of the falls. It is a rare case of the US doing it better than the Canadians. I mean you win in hockey, beer, poutine, Celine Dion, cool Mounties, etc, but you turned your side of the falls into a cross between Pigeon Forge and Las Vegas. We were on the pristine natural 'Merican' side of the falls communing with nature and a few hundred friendly tourists from all over the world listening to some rock band on the Canadian side playing AMERICAN, not Canadian, Rock n Roll. Jefferson Airplane covers not Gordon Lightfoot or the group that didn't like American Woman.

I'm sure there are tourists that never even see the falls because they are in the wax museum or gambling all night at the casino that dominates the Canadian Skyline. I think it is even taller than the observation tower for the falls.

I actually did not get too close to the falls. I really can't stand to be too close. Tissuema'am did get some nice photos. We went out to Goat Island, but only because I looked straight ahead while crossing the bridges. Most people can't hear the Niagara Falls' sirens calling unsuspecting tourists to their death. They wade into the water unsupectingly while American tourists on the Canadian side make bets on who will be swept to their death while drinking Canadian beer and listening to some golden oldies cover band.

Please fix it.

Sincerely.

Tissueman

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

Tissue, we will handle this problem the same way we do everything up here. We will create a royal (government) commission, hold 2 years worth of hearings, issue a report, pass some new laws, wait until the Supreme Court overturns them then create a new government department to handle everything.

No problems will be solved immediately but plenty of new civil servants will be hired. When enough new government positions have been created and appropriate people recruited we will push the lot of them into the Horseshoe Falls clogging the river and flooding the downtown area. This will wash the whole gaudy mess downstream and set free the poor creatures imprisoned at Marine Land. It might also improve the smell.

The only remaining problem is finding a way to stop the creation of a second government commission to study the destruction of the “new government department.” Since royal commissions always end in the creation of a new bureaucracy a dangerous time-loop could be the result. The only known way to get rid of a government department is to push all of its employees into the falls; of course this would only result in yet another royal commission.

Any action that results in the creation of a royal commission is in violation of temporal laws since the resulting time-loop could devour the resources of our country ravage our economy and ultimately force children to drown their own parents in hopes of finding work with the resulting new government department (but who will be left to drown the children?).

We have temporal laws to deal with this since time-loops are very costly and generally result in hirer taxes. Judging by my taxes we have already screwed with temporal mechanics far too often. Hmmm? Perhaps we should form a commission to study that?

[[JiF]LtWaterboy]

Tissue, we will handle this problem the same way we do everything up here. We will create a royal (government) commission, hold 2 years worth of hearings, issue a report, pass some new laws, wait until the Supreme Court overturns them then create a new government department to handle everything.

No problems will be solved immediately but plenty of new civil servants will be hired. When enough new government positions have been created and appropriate people recruited we will push the lot of them into the Horseshoe Falls clogging the river and flooding the downtown area. This will wash the whole gaudy mess downstream and set free the poor creatures imprisoned at Marine Land. It might also improve the smell.

The only remaining problem is finding a way to stop the creation of a second government commission to study the destruction of the “new government department.” Since royal commissions always end in the creation of a new bureaucracy a dangerous time-loop could be the result. The only known way to get rid of a government department is to push all of its employees into the falls; of course this would only result in yet another royal commission.

Any action that results in the creation of a royal commission is in violation of temporal laws since the resulting time-loop could devour the resources of our country ravage our economy and ultimately force children to drown their own parents in hopes of finding work with the resulting new government department (but who will be left to drown the children?).

We have temporal laws to deal with this since time-loops are very costly and generally result in hirer taxes. Judging by my taxes we have already screwed with temporal mechanics far too often. Hmmm? Perhaps we should form a commission to study that?

hmmm...u sure u don't live in the U.S, Badger?? sounds like OUR process!! except our time frames are a bit more dragged out....

LT