MiniBadger

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

My son (MiniBadger) decided to buy BF3 with his birthday money and the money he earned over the past year doing various chores. I didn't know the little sneak was planning this. Matthew convinced his mother to let him buy this game. She had no idea about the mature nature of the game and gave her consent. Even though I was not consulted I know that I will be blamed so I have not informed her about the mature nature of the game and thus have retained the ability to breath, walk and occasionally boink. Unfortunately the only PC in the house with the horsepower to house the game is mine. So somehow in the process of buying himself BF3 he also took over my PC. A Windows 7 x64 PC, E8400 Core 2duo w/ 8GB RAM, 1TB RAID 5 HD array and a GTS 250 video card. Not bad for $59. It also means he has to use my ergonomic office chair since it is positioned in front of my PC. I sit in the retired office chair in front of an old P4 2.2 laptop (with the small screen featuring a black line running from top to bottom) composing email and silently planning my revenge. Oh, I sometimes get to play free cell but the black line makes it hard to see suit of the second column of cards.

Matthew (AKA: MiniBadger - aka that little stinker) wants me to get a second copy of BF3 so he can practice head shots on me. "Killing people is fun - but it's more fun killing your Dad" (Tempting - very tempting.) I have already beefed up his PC in order to let him play some of my old games (Badcompany 2, HL2 etc...)(His PC is a E6400 core 2 duo, 4GB RAM, 160GB RAID 0 (2x raptors thanks to the kindness of Waterboy) but a sucky little ATI video card that can barely handle BF Vietnam. I would consider it if I knew this wasn't just a passing fad. Plus I would like to know if two people on the same LAN can play online at the same time?

Anyhow, if Mini causes any trouble just let me know.

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

I'll keep an eye out for him. He's welcome to join any squad I'm in.

Tissue

[[JiF]Smuckers]

I'm glad he started playing. At least we get to hear your voice again on TS. In my mind JiF family is always welcome. At least now we know where we can go to find the 12 yearold kid mocking us.

[[JiF]BloodGod]

ROFL....Its great to have him playing.

[[JiF]{zs}wids67]

I spoke with him last night on battlelog... mistaking him for MiniRambo... It wasn't until I was in bed trying to get to sleep I realized who he must be.
Joined his squad on a server and he seemed to be doing quite good.

I think you have compertition there

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

Joined his squad on a server and he seemed to be doing quite good.

Perhaps he is more of a Minidoc as opposed to a Minibadger. If so we definitely need him in our squads.

[[JiF]KellysHero]

I was on last night with him too and he seemed to be having a blast and very respectful. although it looks like he's getting his driving lessons from Grimp... BF3 is definitely on the mature side, language in game (and sometimes on TS) and a few blood stains are the worse of it. Would be nice if they had a 'mature' and 'not-mature' setting for audio and even for some of the graphics, doesn't seem like too hard of a programming issue. Then again, DICE can't even make it so you can keep your loadout the same between game starts, so probably asking too much.

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

As I finished typing my first post he came into the room, sat on my lap and started playing. He immediately made his presence known by TKing anybody with an AARP in their tag. Ok maybe I told him to do that but at least he was getting some kills (Tissue - you may wish to keep this in mind). I tried to get him to switch teams so he could TK Gib but I've seen enough fathers living their dreams through their children to resist that. He wound up in a squad with PFC_Doc and used him as a spawn point. For some reason it never occurred to him to TK Doc but he's still young and time is on his side.

I'm not so worried about the language - he's heard it before, he is in grade 4 after all. "Bad" language has its place in our world, I just don't wish him to believe that it is a sign of maturity or strength. Plus I'm trying to steer his rebelliousness stage toward the socially acceptable obscene tattoos and piercings. I was thinking of getting him a male tramp stamp that says "Exit Only" with an arrow pointing down. Clever Huh?

[[JiF]zougathefist]

. I was thinking of getting him a male tramp stamp that says "Exit Only" with an arrow pointing down. Clever Huh?

Not just clever but classy too.

Perhaps you could take a billboard out using a photo of it to help win the conservative vote next election time

[[JiF]Lt Gav]

Just gets confusing as to which of you it is playing
I guess if one of the personas is running around TK'ing we could make a good stab it.
Not sure which one it was we gave a lift to in Uncle Gib's tank last night after he had accidently dropped it out of bounds & then proceeded to go back & forwards trying to work form inbounds to inbounds in enough time. If it was the young 'un he'd have been a bit confused. I know I was!!

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

We kinda took turns last night. If the player was ineffective, obviously lost, carrying the wrong kit and running in the wrong direction that would be me. I couldn't TK anyone cause I couldn't figure out which button fired which weapon. I got all my points by spawning on my squad just as they were taking a flag, at which point I would choose my knife and get into a snipping position. The zoom on the knife doesn't seem to work but at least I couldn't find a way to suicide with it - unlike the RPG. I seem to being playing like I was inspired by a Warren Zevon song "...Ain't that pretty at all / So I'm going to hurl myself against the wall / 'Cause I'd rather feel bad than not feel anything all..." Next time I play I'll invoke Celine Dion as my muse so when I commit suicide I'll at least have the rest of you for company. (If I have to - I'll play "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat over TS = but that might be seen as cruel.)

In all honesty Matthew is a better although different player then I am. If i can figure out how to use to different user names in this game I will, then you'll be able to point and laugh at the appropriate moments. Maybe if I get a little practice I might not get sooooo lost in the future. I might even be of value to the squad - but I doubt it.

[[JiF]zougathefist]

If i can figure out how to use to different user names in this game I will

Unfortunatley you cannot do this

[[JiF]Gib]

I must say that I enjoy your writing style Badger!

Greate to hear you and mini on TS and have you 2 in game.

Gib

[[JiF][AARP]Tissueman]

Dear Badger,

Mini knifed me two times last night. Can you make him go to bed at maybe 4 in the afternoon to prevent this from happening again? I don't have the necessary skills to stop him.

Your friend,
Tissue
Actually he's been a joy to have on the Battlefield

[[JiF]ALargeWoodenBadger]

Dear Badger,

Mini knifed me two times last night. Can you make him go to bed at maybe 4 in the afternoon to prevent this from happening again? I don't have the necessary skills to stop him.

Your friend,
Tissue
Actually he's been a joy to have on the Battlefield

Yes - I was working on the PC beside him as he announced each event. The first time with a loud "I knifed Tissue!!" the second time it was a more subdued "Got him again." When he knifed you tonight (#3) he acted as this was common place, oh wait, I guess it is.

Sometime ago he snatched the proverbial gaming pebbles from my hand. Then (as only a son could) he began to pelt me with said pebbles. While this may have been embarrassing the constant 'plinking' of pebbles against the side of my head has really improved my complexion. He can be helpful when he wants to, but be leery of his offers. First he offered to teach me how to fly in BF42, I had only been playing for 6 years so I was just getting the hang of it. Of course this was just an excuse to get me set up 2 PCs so he could wax me at his leisure.

Last year he told me I wasn't unlocking my weapons fast enough in BadCompany 2 - I didn't know there were unlocks as my character had never seen one - Mini, in the meantime had already advanced his character to unlocking nukes. At least that's what it felt like when we played against each other. You know you're in trouble when your best retort is to say "at least I'm old enough to drive" only to realize you have just expended your only weapon.

Oh, if that's not scary enough - he was training with Gib this afternoon (I'm starting to think a paternity test is in order - but I sincerely doubt Matthew is old enough to be Gib's father). [Gib - I'm am your Father, join with me and together we can rule the BF universe! ...Or would you like to learn how to fly?]

Apparently I'm going to have to find a low tech means of beating him - maybe with my belt?