10 Things to remember when playing bf42

[[JiF]War Trophy]

1. The only things more accurate than enemy fire is friendly fire.

2. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

3. Teamwork is essential. It gives them more targets to shoot at.

4. Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your team members in close proximity.

5. Never share a plane with someone braver than you.

6. Zooks and AAA have the right-of-way.

7. If you aren't sure, the AAA is pointed at you.

8. If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea.

9. The best defense is to stay out of range.

10. If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in BF42.

[[JiF]Mini Rambo]

only one Word...
loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool
xx xx xx xx xx

[Sir Die-a-lot]

Good stuff WAR TROPHY !

Now for general gaming, I found these 2 sets of 10 Commandments to read and abide. Have a laugh !
First set :GamerHelp 666:10, 1st Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Be Offended by Harsh Language
It's going to happen. Somewhere, somehow, in the future, someone you're playing a game with online is going to say "holy flying greased Jesuses, we're being attacked by flying ass-rapists from the abortionist dimension!" Or something like that. Anyone who's ever been on Xbox Live knows that 90% of the words in the English language either begin or end with the F-word.

Therefore, it is entirely pointless to get offended by anything anyone says during gameplay. For Christ's sake, we're all playing games in which we blow each other into little bloody bits, does it really make sense to be offended by cursing amidst the carnage?

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:11, 2nd Commandment
Thou Shalt Keep Holy the Sabbath
Sunday, SUN-day SUNDAY! To hell with church. Sunday is for gaming. It is only day of the week when you can really assure yourself that you've got nothing else going on from morning to night. Or at least, that's the way it should be. Saturday nights are for drinking, Friday nights are for chasing tail, but Sunday is for staying in and shooting zombies.

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:12, 3rd Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Take Bad Endings Lightly
No longer must we suffer from craptacular endings like the ones we once endured on the NES. The credits certainly fit in well at the end of the game, but if all you get when a game is over is a long list of the people who made it and a sappy love song, then it's time to write an email to the developers. For too long have we humans put up with ***** endings in our video games. For developers, this is usually done because they're rushing to complete other aspects of the game before ship date. But for players, it's the ultimate insult to all of our efforts. It's not as though adding in a few clips or jokes at the end is impossible or all that time consuming.

Take Capcom's God Hand. Rather than just playing the credits at the end, this game gives us credits AND clips of the game's characters dancing away to the theme music. Adding in this type of clip didn't take a whole lot of effort: just clip the character models to the body joints of a motion-captured dancer, and voila! These endings don't have to be over the top or exceptionally long. But they should show a little bit of creativity, god dammit! Think Pixar's out takes. think Star Control II's final interviews with each of the space races. Think ToeJam and Earl wandering around Funkitron! Think of something other than "You Win. Game Over!"

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:13, 4th Commandment
Thou Shalt Gloat
Halo players know that the ultimate in defeat is being tea-bagged. When you've killed someone in an online game, it's not just time to turn around and hunt for the next victim. It's time to turn on the mic and laugh triumphantly, like a retarded janitor with a bagel in his nose. Don't be afraid to hit the taunt button, or to run over to that dead Heavy Weapons Guy, and do your little Pyro happiness dance. While it's certainly not recommended that you start getting your racist on, or to joke about their mom, it is entirely appropriate to say that they've been "0wnzor3d."

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:14, 5th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Rig
Not all of us can afford a $3000 computer. Neither, too, can we all buy a 360, a PS3 and a Wii. Rather than drooling over your friends' good fortune at having all of these things, the true gamer simply goes to GameStop or the local Goodwill to find some last generation goodness for 5 bucks a hit. Why, there are thousands of games out there that you've never played, and most of them aren't current generation technology. Better still, go online to a site like Abandonia or the TheUnderdogs.com to download abandoned games for your PC for free. Or, even better still, go get an emulator and try out those NES games you never got a chance to play as a kid. Thou shalt not waste rent money on an Xbox 360 when thou can just as easily buy 30 games for the original Xbox for the same price.

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:15, 6th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Name Thyself After Thy Own Birthday
Gamer tags aren't so easy to come up with anymore. With thousands of gamers out there registering their nicknames with Xbox Live, or in your favorite MMO, it's a fair chance that your first choice of nickname is already taken. But while all the good ones may seem to have been taken, that is no excuse to name yourself "Steve71685" or "Robert1013". These types of names only make you look like an inbred newbie from West Virginia. There are plenty of good names left out there, and only the ones in Leet Speak, or mimicing a license plate need to have numbers in them. Try using names like "BiscuitOfRage" or "MonkeyButtLuv" or "HalfALoafUvKungFu" or "StonedGnome" or "BackPimplesRossario" or "St00pidDoucher" or "StudBeefPile" or "LunchBox" or any of the thousands of other possibilities! Get creative! Do something original. And for god's sake, keep your f**cking birthday out of your name!

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:16, 7th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Use FAQs Unless Thou Art Stuck
For GamerHelp, it's all about the FAQs, of course. But you should never go running through those FAQs unless you are specifically stuck somewhere. There is no form of life on this Earth that is lower than that dood who buys a new game and the walkthrough guide at the same time at GameStop. First of all, FAQs are free online, idiot. Second of all, You're probably one of those assholes who sits in front of the TV with the game running and the walkthrough open to page one. It's not a f'ing game if you just read what to do next every time you complete a task, dumbass. Close the book, and figure it out yer damn self.

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:17, 8th Commandment
Thou Shalt Watch Your Buddy's Back
When playing games online, don't let your buddies get back stabbed. It's not cool and it's not friendly. What's the point of playing online with other people if you can't even trust your own teammates to keep you from being being pistol whipped from behind? Keep those eyes open, and watch those corners. You know it's going to happen at some point, and even if you can't stop the guy from attacking, you can at least call out to your pal and say "look out behind you!" Remember, this online gaming thing isn't really worth a damn if the people you play with run off into the enemy base every time they respawn, like some digitized Rambo with a chip on his shoulder.

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:18, 9th Commandment
Thou Shalt Not Take Gaming Too Seriously
We've all been there: you're on a server playing with a bunch of people you've never seen before. The enemy team captures your flag, and someone on your team blows up in a screaming rage over the lack of teamwork. This man (and they are always men) is way too involved. Games are supposed to be fun, not work. If you're really that worried about how the red team does in the next round, spend your time talking strategy, not yelling into the mic about how "Joe3216" is a complete idiot who shouldn't be playing the game at all. This isn't pickup football on the playground, and we don't get to pick teams. You're always going to be saddled with some douche-bag who has one arm and no ears, so just resign yourself to sitting down and trying to work with what you've got. Besides, the feeling of accomplishment is much greater when you win a round knowing that your team is made up entirely of 12 years olds with no thumbs and cleft palettes.

__________________________________________________________________________

GamerHelp 666:19, 10th Commandment
Thou Shalt Save Early, and Save Often
There aren't too many games, these days, that remove points or bonuses from the player based on the number of times they save. This used to be something of a common practice, back when game developers saw the player as a toy with which to play and squeeze. But today, developers know better. They know we all hate running through the same corridor 33 times and dying on the same jump over and over again. That's why they offer more save spots, save-anywhere features, and on-the-fly difficulty adjustments. With all these wonderful helpers, however, there are still gamers who like to live on the edge. When the scene ends and the level is over, they say "NO" to "Do you want to save?" They don't use the save rooms, and they never turn the machine off. These are the maniacs who try to beat Final Fantasy XII in one sitting. And these are the people we do not want to emulate. Save early, save often. You never know when the power may go out and you'll be stuck trying to kill the same goddamn monsters over and over again.


Second set :
1: Online gaming is serious business:

So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way -- by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don't know simulate death.

This is your life now, and you are connected, physically and emotionally, to your in-game avatar. When they frag you, do you not bleed? Well, no you don't but that's not the point. You will mourn him for every second of that respawn countdown. His digital death just killed a little piece of you, and you will avenge with the fury of a thousand angry Gods.

In team games, if you are losing, remember to berate your teammates and tell them how much they suck. You won't be making a fool out of yourself for ordering them around and reminding them that your side is losing and nobody's helping you win. Also, you must use words like "alpha," all the time, just like you're a real army man!

2: Noobs are scum:

People who are new to a particular game are terrible vermin who you should not fraternise with. These subhumans are known as noobs and they are the pariahs of online gaming. You, however, were never a noob. You were playing games online before the Internet was even invented. In fact, you're so awesome that you were playing Dizzy the Egg team deatchmatches on your Commodore 64.

Make sure to check out the stats of anybody in a game with you. If they have not been playing for long, then you must hurl insults at them because they are lesser human beings. Laugh cruelly if noobs are your opponents, and grimace loudly if they are on your team.

Also, the term noob has such power that if you dislike someone's actions in a game, you can say it to them as well. Obviously, displeasing you is deadly enough to make them forget all their prior gaming experience and they actually revert back into children.

3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory -- never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob. You are a hardcore gamer now, which means you only use shotguns or anything else that's really boring. You hate all that is popular, and if you see anybody utilising the best/more useful features of a game, you are to get rid of them immediately.

If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn't need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They'd be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

4: If anything kills you at all, it is cheap:

Like the above rule, but applied to every potential threat in a game. If someone shoots you to death using nothing but a pistol and with his eyes closed, he is being cheap. Cheap is one of the most brutal insults after noob, and anybody who hears it will feel worse about the fact they are winning ten to zero. It's a hollow victory, because they are so cheap.

5: If you are losing, it is because of lag:

Following on from the cheapness laws, you will soon get to learn that nothing is ever your fault when it comes to gaming. Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap. The Internet does this a lot, but never affects the enemies you kill yourself, because you have skills.

Nearly every death you ever suffer in a game will be due to lag of some kind. The Internet hates you that much, even though you are so good.

6: If you are losing badly, it is because they are hacking:

Losing a little is one thing, that's just lag conspiring to keep your ownage levels down, but lag can only help the noobs cheaply beat you so much. If you are losing to such a point where not even your lag-pwning skill seems to be making a difference, well there's only one solution, and it's not that they are better than you -- it's that they are hacking.

People who appear to be doing a lot of killing and not much of being killed are hackers, plain and simple. There is no way they're that good without cheating. Re-assure your team (after calling them worthless) that the enemy is clearly powered by nefarious undertakings and you are being penalized for your wholesome and pure ways. Then remember to say alpha.

7: Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don't like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

8: Singing is awesome:

Communicating via a headset is great because it lets gamers sing, and that is one of the only reasons we buy headsets. In fact, some people are known to log into servers just to hear poor quality, nasal renditions of the latest "phat tracks." One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

Try to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as you can into your headset before, during and after a game, only stopping when you need to step away from the mic to breathe. Everybody will be impressed and will want to play with you again. In fact, you're so great at singing that the only reason you're not on Broadway right now is that showbusiness is full of lag.

If you lack the raw sexual magnetisim and confidence that is required to sing during a game, you can always hold the microphone up to some speakers and play your favorite tunes for everybody. Your fellow gamers really care what your musical interests are and will applaud your tasteful selection of tracks.

9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:

Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it's actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in "n - ggers" was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here's a pro tip -- nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:

Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer. Only you may have the glory of the kill, and woe betide anybody caught shooting at the same target as you. If they get the win, they clearly stole your kill.

Even if you and a team member are on opposite sides of the game map, they kill stole. Obviously they did. Probably thanks to a hack.

Just remember, of course, that you are not a kill stealer. You are merely an opportunist. Besides which, since all the enemies are your personal fodder anyway, you're taking nothing away from the meat puppets who are only there to be noobs and bring down your score by sucking.

Sorry for the long read but they made me crack up when I first read them last year and WAR TROPHY's post made me remember them.

[[JiF]War Trophy]

lol Wonderful stuff, Die-a-lot. btw I posted the list, not Rambo but no matter lol

When I used to play Burnout online with the Xbox and was winning a race, I would taunt my opponents on my headset by saying things like "I'm only racing with one hand" and "This is my first time actually, this game must be for 5 year olds!" or "Next race I'll drive backwards" xx

I'd love to taunt people more on the JiF server, but I think I need to get better at the game first, to actually warrant me taunting anyone lol

[[JiF]Djsmg]

8: Singing is awesome:

The singing with the headset thing after seeing Stepovich's post is still giving me shudders...

For those that missed it, here's the link. http://www.jiff.net/viewtopic.php?f=6&t=1910

[Sir Die-a-lot]

lol Wonderful stuff, Die-a-lot. btw I posted the list, not Rambo but no matter lol

When I used to play Burnout online with the Xbox and was winning a race, I would taunt my opponents on my headset by saying things like "I'm only racing with one hand" and "This is my first time actually, this game must be for 5 year olds!" or "Next race I'll drive backwards" xx

I'd love to taunt people more on the JiF server, but I think I need to get better at the game first, to actually warrant me taunting anyone lol

Oww, my bad. I edited my post to correct the mistake.